Spicy Cracker

Hello world, I'm here so I'll have to deal with you as much as you have to deal with me.

Other things

I'm a million things, but what I am not is amused.

Other things

My amazing husband is my life line and no one person will every come between us.

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There are way to many other things in this template.

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Friday, September 30, 2005

I've been trying to think of things funny or witty to say today.

At the moment... all I can do is tell you about my day. To be honest I think I'm still on yesterday. At some point at 5 am this morning I realized I was still wide awake. Yes I said it 5 am... and yes.. it bites. I had to be somewhere at 9:00 am this morning, there was this part of me that said....

"You know Spicy, you should just stay up! If you go to sleep now you'll over sleep."

Man I knew I should've listen to myself. Or who every was talking at 5 am.... I hear the faintest sound... my eyes pop open the sun is blazing....

"Oh Crap!?!?! What time is it????"

Trying to find my glasses and get to the Alarm Clock that is faintly buzzing....

"8:58am, are you kidding me? I have to be somewhere in 2 minutes. I ... I ... I... arrrrrggggghhhh. What happend I set this clock for 7:00am. What is that noise?"

So at that point I realize when you turn the sound down for the music on my Alarm Clock you also turn it down for the Beeping/Buzzer. I call my apointment who was completely fine with me being an hour late. (She did it to me a week prior but she missed the whole day and was late the next day by an hour. So I don't feel to bad.)

It's a vicious cycle. I'll sleep really good and really long for a couple of weeks then for about a week I'm sleeping durning the day and up all night untill it just get later and later. Then I'm ok again. Here it is Friday night and I'm contimplating playing a board game to just relax at home because I'm so beat. Tomorrow is ART in the Park. I'm going to check it out. Last weekend went to a School Bus Demolishion Derby- At the least it was interesting.

Well here I am beat.... but all the bills are paid and I'm up for a game of Cards...

Any Takers...

posted by Spicy Cracker @ 2:29 PM 0 comments

HA HA

Hey Kids.. you know What Time it is?????

If you're at home or have a really cool boss... Kick up your sound for this one it needs full effect!

posted by Spicy Cracker @ 2:25 AM 0 comments

Thursday, September 29, 2005

I was tagged!!
I got tagged from IamNorman !!! This might actually be kind of funny.
Here are the rules:

The Rules:
1. Go into your archive.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five other people to do the same

Now sence I don't have 23 post I'll use my 13th post and follow the rest from there !!! :)

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

Ok.. here are my taggies...

1. Big Sarge
2. Hot Biscuit
3. Pop Culture Had it Coming
4. Tina Jay
5. Letters from the Sanitarium

posted by Spicy Cracker @ 9:28 PM 1 comments

15 fun things to do at Wally World!

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts whenthey aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minuteintervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3'in housewares.... and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'llinvite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Whycan't you people just leave me alone?'

9. Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, and pick yournose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if heknows where the anti- depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "MissionImpossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" usingdifferent size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICKME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetalposition and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and,then, yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here

posted by Spicy Cracker @ 3:55 PM 2 comments

For my Friends that are Moms!

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

DON'T MESS WITH MOM

My son came home from school one day,
with a smirk upon his face.
He decided he was smart enough,
to put me in my place.
"Guess what I learned in Civics two, that's taught by Mr. Wright?
It's all about the laws today,
The 'Children's Bill of Rights.'

It says I need not clean my room,
don't have to cut my hair
No one can tell me what to think,
or speak, or what to wear.
I have freedom from religion,
and regardless what you say,
I don't have to bow my head,
and I sure don't have to pray.
I can wear earrings if I want,
and pierce my tongue &nose.
I can read &watch just what I like,
get tattoos from head to toe.
And if you ever spank me,
I'll charge you with a crime.
I'll back up all my charges,
with the marks on my behind.
Don't you ever touch me,
my body's only for my use,
not for your hugs and kisses,
that's just more child abuse.
Don't preach about your morals,
like your Mama did to you.
That's nothing more than mind control,
And it's illegal too!
Mom, I have these children's rights,
so you can't influence me,
or I'll call Children's Services Division, better known as C.S.D."

Of course my first instinct was
to toss him out the door.
But the chance to teach him a lesson
made me think a little more.
I mulled it over carefully,
I couldn't let this go.
A smile crept upon my face,
he's messing with a pro.

Next day I took him shopping
at the local Goodwill Store.
I told him, "Pick out all you want,
there's shirts & pants galore.
I've called and checked with C.S.D.
who said they didn't care
if I bought you K-Mart shoes
instead of those Nike Airs.
I've canceled that appointment
to take your driver's test.
The C.S.D. is unconcerned
so I'll decide what's best."
I said "No time to stop and eat,
or pick up stuff to munch.
And tomorrow you can start to learn
to make your own sack lunch.
Just save the raging appetite,
and wait till dinner time.
We're having liver and onions,
a favorite dish of mine."

He asked "Can I please rent a movie,
to watch on my VCR?"
"Sorry, but I sold your TV,
for new tires on my car.
I also rented out your room,
you'll take the couch instead.
The C.S.D. requires
just a roof over your head.
Your clothing won't be trendy now,
I'll choose what we eat.
That allowance that you used to get,
will buy me something neat.
I'm selling off your jet ski,
dirt-bike &roller blades.
Check out the 'Parent's Bill of Rights', It's in effect today!
Hey hot shot, are you crying,
Why are you on your knees?
Are you asking God to help you out,
instead of C.S.D..?"

posted by Spicy Cracker @ 9:06 PM 1 comments

Hey Kids it's time for .. Spicy's Story Corner!

Friday, September 23, 2005

Ok.... .so I'm taking this back ... back ... waaaaaaaaaay back.... to the summer of 1994.

Here it was May 1994, with graduation just behind me and looking forward to college... I decided to use some of the money I banked during graduation for something fun.... RollerBlades. Yep I said it. RollerfreakinBlades. Not one of my best ideas mind you but I did have a cheap pair I originally bought the year prior that I loved... but they were slow and well... cheap, and my reasoning was if I got pretty decent and kept it up with the cheap 50 buck pair... I'd splurge for the $285 pair.

Now here's the kicker. I didn't know much about barrings and the difference a skinny wheel and a fat wheel would make, on speed and the ability of stop. All I know is these were a pretty blue and maroon color and were actually made by RollerBlade.

Here I am happy as can be so I decided to go to the local park that had a nice smooth basket ball court to get used to my nifty new skates. My thinking was no pebbles or cracks ... just a nice smooth surface to get used too. My friend wanted my old skates they were still in great condition, to learn how to skate with me.

So picture this... on a basket ball court around and around we go... doing really well ... going really fast. "Wow" I think. "These skates are super fast, so worth the money I spent." I decided to get this great idea and skate from basket ball pole to basket ball pole... I'll go to the pole grab it use it to swing myself around go back to the other pole. I'm doing good. I'm picking up speed on the court going faster and faster. Then my friends calls out my name .... I had my hand out to catch the pole.... I turn my head .... and then it happens.... I slam my whole left side of my body into the pole at an insane speed. My hand was too far to the left I missed. To make matters worse I turn my head right when I hit the basket ball pole I slammed the left side of my face into the pole too. So not only did I hit this pole once... I hit it twice...

I think I knocked my self out at some point..... I come to, finding myself wrapped around this pole like Wiley coyote chasing the Road Runner. I come around when I hear my friend rolling around the court laughing her ass off at me.... I go to say something but as I'm trying to peel myself off this steal metal object that is concreted down that jumped in my way... There was 5 guys walking up to the court to play a little B-Ball.

"Oh man could this get any worse?" I guess when I hit they ran in my direction to help me and they were trying to get me to lay down and took off their shirts to put under my head. Here I am laid out on a basket ball court with my asshole of a friend who still after 4 mins can't stop laughing surround by some pretty hot guys with no shirts on looking at my face and shoulder.

So they get me to my feet get my skates off and they help me to my car.... (mean while my friend is still in stitches) I thought the whole thing was behind me. We never spoke about the incident... untill a few years later I had a guy walk up to me in a sports bar and say... "Hey you look so familiar..." I thought the same thing but I couldn't put my finger on it. I got up to walk to the rest room.... and I almost ran into a pole... His drunk ass precedes to yell out.... "Now I know who you are... Your that chick that got checked by a basket ball pole at the park off of Lakewood."

I look around for min... And say....

"Check Please."

*sigh* If it's possible, it's going to happen to me.

Later Days~

posted by Spicy Cracker @ 5:41 PM 0 comments

Whew what a long weekend.... or so it seemed.

Monday, September 19, 2005

Well most of my weekend consisted of College Mathmatics and Nutrition classes. My brain hurts. So far things are going very well. The weather is beautiful, I wish you were here. :)
I'm doing my best to go around and catch up on my blog reading I appreciate anyone that stops by. I have something funny I received in my email that you might enjoy:

Remember the book - "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well, here isa true life example from the University of Phoenix. An English Professorassigned his students to a joint writing exercise that quickly degraded -check it out...

"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. Theprocess is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to hisor her immediate right.
As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a shortstory. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy tome. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraphto the story and send it back also sending another copy to me. The firstperson will then add a third paragraph, and so on, back and forth.
Remember to reread what has been written each time in order to keep thestory coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mailsand anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story isover when both agree a conclusion has been reached."
The following was actually turned in by two of my English students: Rebecca(last name deleted), and Gary (last name deleted).

THE STORY:

(First paragraph by Rebecca)-----------------------------------------------At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. Thechamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, nowreminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that heliked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind offCarl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him toomuch her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of thequestion.

(Second paragraph by Gary)--------------------------------------------------Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron nowin orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than theneuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he hadspent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17", hesaid into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No signof resistance so far..." But before he could sign off, a bluish particlebeam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay.The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca) ---------------------------------------------------------He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt onelast pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had everhad feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointlesshostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes LawPermanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaperone morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She staredout the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedlyand carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her fromher sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Whymust one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

(Gary) ---------------------------------------------------------Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands ofmiles above the city, the Anu'udrian mother ship launched the first of itslithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks that pushed theunilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Eartha defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined todestroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty theAnu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower topulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftlyinitiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered theatmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarineheadquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt theinconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conferencetable. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'emout of the sky!"

(Rebecca) -----------------This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writingpartner is a violent, chauvinistic semiliterate adolescent.

(Gary) ------------------------------Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts atwriting are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have chamomiletea? Or shall I have some other sort of F***ING TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."
(Rebecca) -------------A**hole.
(Gary) -----------------------B****.
(Rebecca) ----------------------------Get screwed.
(Gary)------------------------------Eat sh**.
(Rebecca) --------------SCREW YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!
(Gary) ----------------------------GO DRINK SOME TEA - *****.
************************************************************************
(TEACHER) A+ - I really liked this one. Only group to get an A.

posted by Spicy Cracker @ 7:57 PM 2 comments

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Name: Spicy Cracker
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