Spicy Cracker

Hello world, I'm here so I'll have to deal with you as much as you have to deal with me.

Other things

I'm a million things, but what I am not is amused.

Other things

My amazing husband is my life line and no one person will every come between us.

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There are way to many other things in this template.

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I'm off to Surgery-

Monday, February 26, 2007

So here it is - What I have been fighting for since Spring 2004. Tomorrow I finally get my minor surgery on my ear to make me feel normal again, to be able to sleep, not only from fear but from pain. To be able to pull my hair back in public and not feel like a freak.

The keloids I have are out of control. It's like having 2 huge marbles on the side of my ear and a small one on the back. That is the side I sleep on. I'll have radiation therapy after that as well. The surgery should last an hour that is with removing the mass and reconstruting my ear. Oddly that part doesn't scare me as much as knowing the IV is a huge as needle and I have never had an IV. I pray for good drugs and no pain.

Later Days-

posted by Spicy Cracker @ 8:02 AM 0 comments

Hmmm

Thursday, February 22, 2007

I'm at the point in my life where I absolutely hate change. Once I get use to an idea and someone changes crap on me my mind flips out.

Once again things are flipped upside down.

I'm in classes, I'm finally to have surgery this coming week, my mother is in the hosptial (again) but this time in isolation, and now I get a call from my husband telling me his new report date is March 31st ... which means no sooner that he gets home, I have my surgery and he has to leave, I have no clue how I am going to have follow ups without some sort of support system. I am so over all this Military BS. For once in my life I want to give up on everything. I don't want to fake it to the world that I'm ok... because you know what, I'm not.

I'm not ok. It feels like my insides are screaming. My brain is going to squeeze out of my ear. I've gotten to the point I really don't want to talk to anyone anymore. Just stay to myself and shut the whole world out. Just go back to where I was all those years ago. I should've moved to cleveland all those years ago and take on life by myself.

I am begining to realize I have bent, and accomodated everyone else, I'm tired of always doing what I know I need to do because someone else said it or asked it of me. I am tired of saying I'm sorry all the time when I've done nothing wrong. I'm tired of being tested by what ever is out there, I am tired of trying to focus and believe, I'm just tired.

Why is it when things start to look up it's like getting a slap in the face and someone pointing a finger going "Ha Ha just kidding."

posted by Spicy Cracker @ 7:47 AM 0 comments

on again off again

Sunday, February 11, 2007

So if you know me you know I'm Amerasian. I'm pretty strong willed but the one thing I have always had a hard time staying focused on is my weight.

I do good... then something happens and it takes for freakin ever to get started again. I keep trying because well... if I just give up all together then I've completely lost the fight.

So once again, I've decided to change it up again. I went to T@rget and found the Body Sculpting System by The Frm. Three workouts an hour long each. You rotate them over a month on a very doable schedual. Today was day one... I lasted all of 40 mins. I feel like I'm burning, internally. So I guess that means it's working.

Tomorrow is day two. Pray for me.

Spicy Cracker out~

posted by Spicy Cracker @ 11:09 AM 0 comments

falling into place

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Falling into Place...
So here it is almost 1:00am and I am finally almost caught up with all my piddly stuff. Today was my lazy busy day. I tried to accomplish all the things I put off till I had a lazy day. Apparently it was a lot more than I expected.
However both printers are back up and on track for the moment. I got a nifty new lap top that is hopefully going to help put me on the map, I finished edits on most of the work I started around Christmas time and I'm pretty caught up on class work. At this point I'm feeling like I kick ass!!!
I said to someone in an email a few days ago, "Somedays the world wakes up before I do and it feels like a punch in the gut." I have an amazing life, and with hubs I have it all. We have one of the best friendships and marriages, where there is no issue of trust. Neither one of us ever has to worry about the other one, and through it all no matter what we will always stand behind the other and support their dreams. I am fortunate to have a husband that wants to help others and talks to me about issues and concerns. Someone who believes in me and reminds me in little ways not to worry about things I can not handle.
I've also met some amazing understanding people in my life. New friends and old. I have never been one to conform, or let others bother me. I get aggitated with people and their pettiness but it passes and I move on. I wouldn't call everyone I meet a friend, so I have a ton of aquantences. I would like to have days that I meet with the same people once a week or once a month so I can hear about their children or spouses even their parents. I have a brass sence of humor from time to time. I have made peace with an old flame (for lack of better term) and it has brought me full circle, I hope that others can get that sort of closure. I have a heart for tiny animals, especially my birds, something about them sitting on my finger singing to me melts my heart, and now that Calyso can mimic the house alarm beeps, I have reason to play my sounds of the ocean machine through out the night.
At this very moment everything feels right, and it all feels like it's falling into place.

posted by Spicy Cracker @ 1:15 AM 0 comments

About Me

Name: Spicy Cracker
Home: Any Where, United States
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