Spicy Cracker

Hello world, I'm here so I'll have to deal with you as much as you have to deal with me.

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I'm a million things, but what I am not is amused.

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My amazing husband is my life line and no one person will every come between us.

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There are way to many other things in this template.

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Agoraphobia, agora-what?

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

The day before yesterday I decided to ask my husbands (newly separated from the military)boss if she'd like to go to lunch, she said yes. I go to pick her up she seems a little weary and off we go to the local BBQ place. We get to talking and she's in the midst of finding herself a job, but she's also realizing she doesn't really want to leave the house anymore either. Oh boy I know that feeling all to well.

One min you have a job and your life is completely busy, the next min your time off feels more like a trap and your happy at home. Feeling safe in your own environment/clutter. Well anywho we get going and pull up to the BBQ place and her ex-stalking type husband is there.

"Hey, isn't that your ex-hubby? (pointing at vehicle)"
"Oh man, why is he here? I didn't tell him I don't think."
"Are you kidding me? Do you think he's following you?"
"Wouldn't that be my luck, I try to go out and not let him know and he's there."

I asked if she wanted to go somewhere else she said no, the most that will happen is that he will want to join us for lunch. (Oh Joy- possible lunch with a Over obsessed schizophrenic, manic depressive psycho that wont take his meds and can kill me in a blink of an eye)

"Okay, sure no problem." (praying)

As life may take pitty on me from time to time, as we walked in he was paying and leaving with his lunch buddies. (whew)

He says, "Well gosh if I had known we all could've had lunch together. That would've been fun right honey?"

"oh yea sure, have a good day talk to you later."

Its quiet in the BBQ place for about 10 mins. We're the only one's in there for the moment. The tea is soothing. She was a school teacher before she joined the military 12 years ago. Petite and cute. Has a fun personality, and really loves teaching. She's endured a lot over the past 17 years. There's a sense of total accomplishment there a lot of pride, but also I could feel here is a woman lost. Just like me if only for a moment. We have some of the same issues, we laugh at a lot of the same things. I feel grounded when I'm around her.

I've been looking back on my life and my decision I've chosen to make in my life some bad some good, Some funny some sad. I've spent way to much time comparing myself to everyone else. Wanting to be thinner like.... Be smarter than... Have success more than ..... None of this has done one bit of good, and through it all I don't know who I want to be.

All I do know is I want to be me, who ever that is.

posted by Spicy Cracker @ 8:49 AM

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