Spicy Cracker

Hello world, I'm here so I'll have to deal with you as much as you have to deal with me.

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I'm a million things, but what I am not is amused.

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My amazing husband is my life line and no one person will every come between us.

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There are way to many other things in this template.

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Thursday, February 23, 2006

This is different than my normal post.

Normally I try to keep things light and airy. Today I've got a lot on my mind. I'm finally admitting to myself I'm a full fledge Diabetic. I've known for quite sometime, and I'd put it out of my mind, pretty much been in denial. I did really well in the beginning. I lost weight I watched my diet. I checked my gluclose levels. I did everything a good little diabetic was to do.

Then one day someone that didn't even know me... .Highly pissed me off. All my hard work and effort flew out the window and I haven't given a rats ass about my health since. My husband has been a great supporter of any decision I make. He tells me he has faith in me and everything positive, but nothing changes. I thought finding out I was a diabetic shortly after my father died from it would've been my wakeup call. Finding out if I didn't change I'd have to shoot myself up with needles that I'm deathly afraid of would keep me on track but it didn't.

Watching my friend getting ready to lose her eyesight....It didn't. Watching others go through some of the most horrible things from not controlling their sugar intake would make me change.

I had 2 conversations last night, one with a girl that wants to lose weight and not become diabetic like her father who died from it when she was 8. Another with a woman who's had diabetes for 15 years and just wants to do what she wants to do cause it's more of a rebellious thing. This from a woman whose gone into coma from spiking sugar levels and can't walk properly. She started telling me about what happened when she would go into ketosis (sp)her kidneys start to shut down, and all her symptoms.

Last night it happened. I asked for a wake up call and I think I got it. 2 Hours after I went to sleep I woke up with my stomach feeling really weird. I hadn't eaten in about 6 hours .... So everything should've been digested. Lets put it this way it wasn't and I was sick as a dog. That's putting it mildly. Other thanks are happening to me as well. So here I am realizing a disease I can control is killing me. My levels are out of wack and I'm a mental wreck over the whole thing.

This is one of the hardest things I've had to do. I know it's going to be a struggle but no one can do this but me right? I mean I'm it. I choose my own destiny and I have to chose to live and live healthy and stop being scared and paranoid.

Here it is folks... I've finally put myself out there.

"Get busy living, or get busy dying." - Andy Dufrain SSR

posted by Spicy Cracker @ 9:54 AM

3 Comments:

At 8:34 PM, February 23, 2006, Norman said…

awwww.. Spicy I'm sorry.

One of my very best friends is an insulin-dependent diabetic, and he went through the very same feeling you just described. I think it is a normal cycle that people go through. He's known for 7 years that he is diabetic, but it took him until just 2 years ago to finally "accept" it.

I wish I could help you with this. It's just something you're going to have to work through. I know you just moved - why don't you check and see if they have a diabetic support group where you are? If you can't find one, ask your endocrinologist if he knows of any groups.

Good luck, and you can always e-mail me!

norman
At 8:39 PM, February 23, 2006, Bunny said…

It's definitely something you can't ignore. If you do, it will worsen. My dad is still in denial even after losing his leg and now losing his sight. Take care of yourself. Stay strong. I'm praying for you.
At 9:01 PM, February 23, 2006, Spicy Cracker said…

Norman, Hot Biscuit:

thanks so much.. it means alot... I'll need all the support I can get.

SC